guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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