her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
