someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
