When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
