So drunk, too bad you don't want this
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
