..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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