Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
