Sry I called you an 8
Ambien. No doubt about it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just want to make out with him forever
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
