all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
