i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
