I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize