dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
