I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
