My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
