I smell stomach acid.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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