How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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