I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
