Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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