Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
