Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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