im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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