i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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