I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
