You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
