if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
