I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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