my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
did i just pee glitter
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
