I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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