Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
