dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
