i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize