Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
