Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
