her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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