So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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