You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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