My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
