You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize