so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
