I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
