There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize