I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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