I have demons in me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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