just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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