can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
