I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
