Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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