I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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