new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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