operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize