I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
