Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
