I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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