she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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