The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So apparently I’m into choking now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
