do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
