I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
a search helicopter?!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
