How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
