Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
