I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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