I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
