I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
