So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
