I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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