No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
