dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
