Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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