Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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