Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
