true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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