I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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