wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
