Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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