If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
