my phone needs a breathalizer
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
