If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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