Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
These tits shall not be calmed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize