I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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