and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
