i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
