She's JV to your varsity
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
