you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
