If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
