His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
