He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize