his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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