Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
