we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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