i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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