Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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