I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
